I survived my year!!

And now, I only have three more months to go.

Let's look back, shall we!

August 19th, I arrived, super stoked and exhausted from the all-nighter I pulled the night before. Lugging around my life in two large suitcases and my snowboard bag, I found the the Korean guy holding the sign with my name on it. I don't think he was too stoked on my life on wheels cause he didn't want to help me with it! After an hour taxi ride I got to my school to be greeted by a fellow co-worker, Darcy while I waiting in the taxi for my supervisor to inform me on what to do next. Little did I know what was in store for me next! (You should probably go back and read my first blog from after I got here!)

From there I absolutely dreaded my life at work. Everyday, I hated it. I got the Korean co-teacher from hell...nothing I did was right, I couldn't get the days work finished, I had to re-grade tests 3 times before they were acceptable, I had to have kids re-do assignments they had already completed...All while in the first week I was there. Lucky for me, three months later she got pregnant out of wedlock (a big Korea, no-no) and left. That's not very nice on my part but seriously, if that hadn't of happened I would have left Korea a long time ago...but wait... Maybe the jokes on me considering my year. Either way, I think we all can agree my life hasn't been too glamorous. I've had a lot of bad, some REALLY bad but also some good.

I've traveled from the West to the East coast of Korea, Snowboarded the slopes of Taegi-San of Korea and Nagano in Japan, ventured around feeling like an ant in Tokyo, Soaked up the sun rays in the Philippines all while enjoying a $6 message next to the waves of the ocean...Ya, life could get worse.

Oh, but wait! It did...

Diagnosed with the worst upper respiratory infections (Dec-Feb), having to be heavily sedated on antibiotics for a total of 3 months, my inner ear pierced on both sides three times on separate occasions by a thick needle to have the fluid sucked out by a vacuum, having one of the worse (to me) imaginable minor surgery performed in April through a free translation app on a smart phone (if you didn't know, Korean doesn't translate well, if at all, to English), to be followed by knee surgery (July 29) on a torn ACL which occurred in February.

I can honestly say this has been by far, the hardest year mentally, along with physically that I hope to ever have. (Disclaimer- If you tell me that it'll only make me stronger, I might punch you in the face).

I have only 3 months left, and still recovering from the surgery. I had my second follow up appointment with Dr. Kim today. It went much better then my first! The Doc's words, I'm not great, but I'm good. I'm much better then the last appointment but I have to try harder. I guess that's better then nothing, right. Comforting, at least.  He tells me, my body scars well on the outside but not on the inside. He said it's a good thing. It means I heal fast but it creates me to build more scar tissue within my knee and that creates it to be more difficult and painful for me to regain my ROM (range of mobility). Ahhh, perfect! More pain and difficulty, just what I wanted! I asked if I could get off the crutches and he said I didn't have to use them around the house but for longer distances use them or at least one. He also said if my knee felt stable enough I didn't need my brace anymore! Whooohooo! I asked if the hospital had a recycling program because If I didn't need it, I didn't want it. He tells me I should keep it for at least 3 or 4 months cause it's the expensive one. Really, doc? Why did I need the expensive one?!! Either way, that's good news for me! Korea is not cripple friendly. I've been taking cabs everywhere I go because there was no way I felt comfortable riding the bus. The last few days I finally felt comfortable enough to have the courage to ride it. There's a few buses that drop off close to my school so I took the less crowded one. Here I am, on crutches having a hard time getting up the 3 big stairs to get on the bus, fumbling around trying to not let go of my crutches to hit my t-money card to the machine just incase the bus starts moving. Looking around, all the seats are full. I'm the only one having to stand at that time. I look around, making eye contact with the majority of people on the bus because of course they are all staring. You'd only think someone would offer me their seat. I know, I have worried the look on my face because I'm really scared I'm going to fall (I wasn't stable standing on the bus when I wasn't broken let alone now when I using only one leg) I'm praying in my head that the bus driver will be nice enough to let me get secured before moving the bus, I feel the bus driver take the brake off and I'm like, oh god, here we go. Finally, the oldest lady gets up and offers me her seat. I instantly take it and (I'm sure) do the most pathetic crippled attempt to bow while saying thank you in Korean. Then, after I hit the button to signal the driver I want off, she tries to make me get up way before the bus stops moving. Ya, right lady! I'm not getting off until it stops. Then, again everyone stares as I attempt to get off the bus. I'm standing at the top of the stairs about to put my crutches down to get out the door as the people barge on making me have to back up and move out of the way. Seriously, can you people not wait for the cripple foreigner to get off the bus?!! Anyhow,  that's basically how I've began my last few days...Yay, me! It's frustrating, infuriating, fatiguing....but at least I'm healing and if anything you guys are able to enjoy my pain, right? :)

Here's to the next 93 days, let's hope they are good!!

Moments of my life.... some make me cringe, laugh and others cry.

After work Friday, it's pouring. I didn't bring my rain coat and I can't hold an umbrella, obviously. I have been taking cabs home but I have to cross the street to go in the direction I need. I'm standing at the cross-walk waiting in the rain, and my supervisor Yugin sees me. "Lindsay! It's raining!" "Ya, you think!" "You're wet!" As she stands 5 feet from me under her umbrella. (This is the first time she has talked to me all week. She hadn't once, asked how I was doing or if I was ok.) "Yes, but I can't hold an umbrella." She looks at me, looks me up and down, checks my crutches to see why i can't hold an umbrella....She does this as I'm getting more and more soaked and she is standing nice and dry under her umbrella. It finally registers that I can't hold it because I have to use my hands to crutch. She then thinks to share her umbrella so I'm not completely in the rain, though by this time I'm already soaked. 

Every week I send comment books home with my students, this is how the parents and I are able to communicate. Some of my kids described to their parents that I was on crutches and in a brace but instead of calling it a brace, one kid called it a roller shoe, another cast with wheels and another extra legs with a metal cast....haha, nice!

Korean nurses administer shots and take blood without gloves. They just use hand sanitizer in between patients. 

Korea like to give shots in the butt....pain, immune boosters, etc. My bitt has never had so much attention.

There are horoscopes based on your blood type. Mine tells me I am a romantic and very sensitive. :) bhaahahhaa... John’s, however, was right on.

I was at the biggest hospital in S. Korea (which S. Korea claims to be one of the most internet savy countries, right?). In the first room I was put in, a semi-provate (2 beds) I have to use an ethernet line for internet but it’s free. After surgery, I’m moved to a 6 bed room where I’m told I have to pay for wireless if I wanted to use it. I ask to be connected  to contact my family to let them know I’m ok. I was told, I wasn’t able to use it becuase it was the weekend and the internet place was closed, which was on another floor, and I had to take my computer to get some sort of chip installed. A chip? I don’t need a chip, i already have wireless connection, I just need a password. After lots of explaining and frustrations through both the nurse, John and I, the nurse returns to tell us that I wouldn’t be able to use the internet because I owned a MAC and the wireless internet wasn’t compatible, it was only worked with Windows XP.  

I got yelled at by an ajuma (old lady) for saying "yay!!" after I finally peed following surgery (12 hours later). My nurse was worried, she thought I was holding it in. After three failed attempts even though I said, I didn’t have to go, she did an ultra sound on my bladder which confirmed I had no urine in my bladder. (When I'm super dehydrated all day and not given any fluids for 24hours, there's not going to be any fluids to discharge, lady!) On my fourth attempt I finally went, which is why I was so excited! 

The lady who yelled at me got scolded earlier that day for asking for too many pain meds, so she was already a bit pissy. I knew how much pain I was in and how I handled it, I can only imagine how this old lady was doing with her's and I understood her grumpiness... my bad! 

In the basement of the hospital there were restaurants, a grocery store, coffee shops, department stores for hiking gear, face creams and perfumes, underwear garments, business casual clothes, jewelry, etc...Kinda weird. 

In the hospital, the majority of people who speak English will want to talk to you, though with having nothing to say, leaving you to make conversation..... the people who don’t, stare. 

People all over Seoul will stand outside the hospitals in their gowns hooked up to IV's, some on oxygen, smoking cigarettes.

John can stake out beer no matter where he is!

Life... post- surgery

Cont. from last blog.

Did I have to work Monday? Yup. Could my director or supervisor tell me directly? Nope. Had I talked to them over the weekend, yes. Well, one yes, the other one sent me a text...but the point is, I talked to both my bosses, and neither one of them had the balls to tell me themselves I had to come into on Monday, they told my co-teacher Adeline to tell me. This shit happens all the time! I understand, Korea is different from the US with (for the lack of a better word) ranking among collars but if you are wanting to tell an employee they need to work despite doctors orders, you better damn well be able to do it yourself!

Monday comes, I go to work and of course it's raining. Grrr-eat start! I do my daily routine, my knee size increasingly getting bigger from all the swelling.. and the pain equally, if not more, as great. My co- teacher and co workers doing as much as they can to help me, though with my stuborness didn't most of the help, making it harder on myself but I'm sorry, if I'm expected to work, I should be able to complete all tasks needed, by myself! Correct?! Even though those tasks were difficult, my greatest defeat the children. Putting on a happy face is harder then it looks when you are in a uncomfortable amount of pain. They have no idea why you are not happy, they just think you brought toys and look weird. I used this time to give the "it's not nice to stare" lesson. My kids, despite their crippled teacher and lack of English, they did everything possible to help me, except behave! ha...but who can blame them! They are smart, they know when they can get away with things... And to tell you the truth, I didn't care! They got their book work done, and that's all that mattered!

My follow up Appointment was Wednesday, which I had to get more blood testing done (why, I have no idea), an x-ray, and meet with my doctor. For this appointment my Director decided Adeline should come with me. I wasn't to happy about this. I'd gone through this whole process by myself, where it would have been nice to have someone to help me, but now I'm basically finished, going to a follow up appointment, where I need no help, and now she wants to send someone with me! Adeline tells me, it's because Moon (my director) wants her to hear what the doctor has to say. Can Moon not ask me?!!! I hate the middle man bullshit in this country! Not only is info lost in translation, it's also lost in the more people it travels through. We go to my appointment and was it good? Not at all. From having to work the last two days before the appointment, I lost all my extension (straightening the leg) from swelling. Resulting in about 300% worse range of movement from when I left the hospital. My doctor wasn't to happy with Adeline. He told me I had one more week to regain it back otherwise I risk losing it forever. In the state it was in now, I am considered disabled. These were words I didn't want to hear. Now, I'm worried and I'm mad at myself for not just telling my employer I refused to go into work those two days, but what's done is done and now I have to correct it. After the fact, Adeline tells me that I need to be more of a "drama queen" at work and cry. This will show miss Moon and Yugin that I can't do the work and they'll give me more sympathy. SERIOUSLY?!!! I thought I was a grown up! I thought I worked with grown ups! A doctor's note isn't enough to show I shouldn't work, I need to cry and be a baby! F*** that, I'm an adult and I have respect for myself not to act like a child to get my way. I think having surgery on my knee, with a job I'm required to stand, is a legit excuse to take and an extra 2 days off.

Upon returning to work, at every available moment, I have had a friend come push and force my knee into a full extension (well...as much as it would go). Did this feel good, not in the least. To describe the feeling, imagine a rock behind your knee cap and in between your joint that you are trying to flatten as you straighten your leg with all your ligaments and tendons tender. Every time I'd fight tears, but despite the pain I have seen progress!! My knee is slowly able to extend more and more without me having to force it. Yay, me!!!

Making it through the first week back to work, we have a three days weekend! I believe it's Independence Day from when the Japanese left Korea but not entirely sure. I'm just happy I get an extra day off my knee, but lucky me, my air conditioning decided to break. So now, I'm siting in a sauna. My apartment is 83 degrees.... I'm hot, gross, and uncomfortable. I can't open my windows because it is equally as gross outside, the rain makes for a disgusting amount of humidity. My building is surrounded by other buildings so even was to open my window there is no air circulation. I grew up without Air conditioning so I can handle the heat but humidity and no circulation...I do not like.

I had a Adeline and my friend Darcy over yesterday for some entertainment. Adeline taught me how to make Jap Chae, a Korean clear noodle dish, that I think is delicious! When I'm home, prepare to eat it! It takes a bit of prep time cutting all the vegetables but totally worth it. It's usually a side dish but I eat it as the main. Adeline doesn't know it yet but I'm going to make her teach me how to make a lot more things! :) She also taught Darcy and I how to play a Korean card game, Stop-Go. We played 5 rounds, and I still don't quite understand (the point counting is the most confusing) but hopefully before I go home I'll confidently know how to play so I can teach you guys and take all your money!!

The Semi-private room I stayed in pre-surgery.... one roommate, automatic bed, free Ethernet. Post- surgery I moved to a 6 bed room becuase it was 100,000w cheaper,  but I had a manuel bed, no internet, and 5 old lady roommates. 

The Sharpie Marking the doctor put on my leg to undergo surgery.

My sign to remind me not to eat or drink after midnight before surgery. My nurse spoke English, do you think she would have thought to write it in English for me, of course not!

Staples out, post-shower....my leg's coloring doesn't look to healthy next to my right, but it's getting better.

3 months, 17 days....

Hospital bound- Surgery

July 19th,

5am- A staff member comes in with a wheelchair to wheel me down to the operating room. Before I get there, we stopped in an open room that smelled like a dentist office where I changed from my wheel chair to a gurney bed that I was told to lie down on. He covered me with a warm sheet and lined me up with 4 other people in the same position. After lying there for 15 minutes only having the white ceiling to look at, the nurse came and asked me a few questions, one being where and what I was having surgery on. She checks the leg and sees the sharpie mark the doctor had left. This... not comforting. Then she gives me a shot of something and I’m told if I have nausea, need to vomit or itch to let her know. 3 minutes later one of the dudes of my Doctor’s entourage came and got me. He pushed me down a long corridor. It was a bit weird...the hall was a light sea green and was extremely long. Considering I was lying down all I could see were the florescent ceiling lights going by. In my peripherals, I could see the hospital staff all dressed in the scrubs and face masks as we pasted them. As we went further and further down the hall it got increasingly cold. Finally, we approached my OR, it looked like a typical operating room I’d say, big, spacious, light colored with all stainless steel appliances and two huge bright lights hovering the operating table. I switched from my gurney to the Operating table, I look up and behind the lights, a big bunny sticker is attached to the ceiling waving at me. Really? I laugh to myself...only in Korea. They give me an oxygen mask and I’m told to breathe. A minute later I’m tasting a horrible powder, obviously my anesthesia, and then I’m out.  

When I wake up, I’m in the most EXCRUCIATING pain ever. I can’t breathe, the left side of my nose is plugged, I have the world’s worst cotton mouth and the oxygen mask makes me feel claustrophobic with it suctioned to my face. My body is uncontrollably convulsing from the intense pain and I’m moaning in agony cursing fuck to myself because the pain is so unbearable. I’m tied down to the gurney, so as I’m moving hoping to suppress the pain in any possible way, I can’t. The nurses are asking me why I’m shaking, are you  cold? I tell them it’s because it hurts SO bad...pain.... OUCH!!!!! My body was obviously in shock but they decided I said I was cold and put a super heavy blanket on me with a hose blowing hot air. Now, I’m still in severe pain and feeling even more claustrophobic. They wont give me any water to help my cotton mouth/ breathing problem, no pain meds, and now I’m hot as F***. I see a clock hoping it will give me to something to focus on but each second it tics feels like an hour. I finally get them to take off the blanket with heat in between my profanities, still having no control of my shaking. 30 minutes and an x ray later, I’m pushed out of the nurse monitoring zone, given a wet gauze for my mouth, that I suck dry hoping to help the dryness and put in a line waiting for someone to push me to my room, still, in intense pain, moving about, moaning, and trying to remember to breathe. 5, maybe 10 minutes later I’m finally pushed back to my room where John meets me in the hall with a stuffed bunny and his iphone camera. “Smile!” he says. Thanks John, Dick. (I would have done the same if roles were reversed, but seriously?!) Once, I’m in my room they give me a shot for pain....in my butt! Why the hell do I have IV’s in my body if you are just going to put shots in my butt?!! The shot does nothing for the pain. My knee is KILLING me, and you are going to poke me in the ass to give me a pain med that doesn’t work!!! John asks if what they gave me is morphine. The nurse says, no, it’s less strong then morphine. John looks at me and I give him the WTF, Seriously, I’m in so much pain look, and he tells them I need something stronger. She looks at me, and goes to get another shot for my butt. This time I’m instantly relieved of the intense, unbearable pain into more controlled, moderate, can kinda hold a conversation pain.

An hour after I wake up from surgery you are going to give me something for the pain.....Are you kidding me?!!! F*** you, Korea. I think of the pain every once in a while and tears come to my eyes, it was that bad. I’ve had surgery before and the pain wasn’t anywhere comparable to what I experienced here.  Whatever pain medication they gave me didn’t work very well. I got so many shots in my butt that my butt is polka dotted with bruises. When the doctor would come in, he’d push my leg into the bed to extend it, tears would run out of my eyes and he’d be surprised. Why are you crying? Um...because it hurts?!!! I went to the physical therapist to learn exercises I need to do. He’d push and poke my knee, and again, tears would run out of my eyes. Same question, “Why are you crying?” Are you people serious?!! I just had surgery, and you are pushing and pulling at my knee. I’ve been in pain the last 3 days with minimal sleep, it HURTS! He feels bad, and then tells my nurses they should change my pain medication. This was Monday, I had surgery Friday.

Things are done a bit differently in Korea then in the States regarding hospitals. Here, someone stays with the patient (24 hours) to take care of any needs the patient might have, not the nurse. The hospital provides a cot for this person to sleep. This person is usually a family member, and if family isn’t available they hire a private nurse. Did I know of this? Of course not. Do I have family here? Nope. Super. Thankfully, John is here and I consider him familly. I owe him so much! He stayed with me my entire hospital stay. He only got 4 days of vacation from his two jobs and he used them to help me. All I can say is that John has seen more sides of me then I would have ever wanted... The good, the bad, the ugly, the really ugly.. and now the crippled and helpless. He’d tell the nurse if I needed more pain meds, he’d get ice for my knee, hook me up to the knee exercise machine, fill my water, bring me food, take my food tray away, help me to the bathroom or shower, wheel me around the hospital, (though hitting every bump possible. Using the wheelchair brakes, to only find out they weren’t brakes but release levers to make the back part drop down, which made me think I was going to fall out backwards! Needless to say, I wasn’t too stoked with John and the wheel chair.) The only thing John didn’t do was help me pee in the bedpan the day of surgery. Thankfully the nice night nurse helped me with that. I did however pee a few times while he was next to me passed out. Awkward?  ...A bit. 

Upon discharge, the doctor’s intern changed my knee dressing. He told me it needed to be changed every 3 days. I asked if I could do it myself, considering all it was was putting iodine on the incisions and bandaid to cover. His response, no. Seriously, doctor? I had to do everything by myself in this hospital, and I’m not trusted to rub iodine on my incisions and put a bandaid on them? He said, I could either come back to this hospital, go to any other surgical hospital and have them change it or have a nurse come to my house. Really?!! Go to a different hospital to change the dressing? That’s weird, let alone a pain in my ass to find one, and explain what I was doing there considering I don’t speak Korean. “Could you change my surgical dressing for the surgery I didn’t have here, please.”  I opted for a nurse to come to my house thinking it’d just be the easiest. Well, jokes on me.....Do you know how much it’s costing me for a nurse to come to my and change my bandaids? 150,000w!!!!! That’s roughly 150 bucks! For a nurse, to come to my house, twice, and change 3 bandaids!!! I should have just gone to the pharmacy and bought my own damn bandaids, I have iodine from my last surgery. Uggghhh, Korea!

I’ve been home the last few days, which is so much more comfortable then the hospital. A bit challenging to do things for myself. I’m not suppose to put any weight on my leg, which makes my other leg’s muscles burn from trying to keep balance. Whatever I eat, is whatever I can throw to my bed from the kitchen. The thing I look forward to is a shower, which is a hassle upon it’s self, but so satisfying once competed. I have a couple of friends who stayed in Seoul for vacation, that cook dinner and entertain me at night. I had to go to back to the doctor’s office to day because they screwed up on my paper work. I only had to crutch about a quarter of a mile to my house form the main street where the cab dropped me off but I had to stop and rest 4 times, my clothes were damp and I was dripping sweat all over my body from the heat. I can only imagine how I’m going to feel when I have to crutch to work in the typhoon expected to hit next week.

My newest battle I’m dealing with is my work expects me to be back at work on Monday even though my doctor recommends me to rest until my follow up appointment on Wednesday. This is how good, communication is in this country. The doctor tells me I shouldn’t work for another week because if I do, I risk losing full extension in my leg from all the swelling that will occur being on my feet, and I’d lose it for the rest of my life.   This is all I need to hear. Though, my co- teacher comes to visit me and asks the nurse about my condition. The nurse tells her it’d be fine for me to work on the 8th, Monday. My co-worker tells me this and in return I tell her my doctors says otherwise, and I explain. Well...apparently she didn’t believe me, or didn’t understand and in turn relayed what the nurse said to my school director. While in the hospital it was clear to me that the nurses had no clue about my situation. They would always tell me different information then the doctor would. Very few times the nurses would say the same as what the doctor would say. I would always tell ask the doctor questions about what I needed to do, and then nurses would then tell me to do something different. I’d tell them the doctor advised me to do something different. Their response, “Oh, really?” and then they’d have me do what the doctor recommended. Who do I believe, you ask? The doctor...at least here in Korea, as far as I’m concerned the nurses here are worthless. Anyhow, now I’m dealing with the school if I have to work Monday or if I can start after my follow up appointment 2 days later. Yay, me. 


These pictures are from John's collection. I'm pretty sure I've never looked so good!

The lovely picture John took after Surgery, before any pain medication.

Day 2- Taking the drain out of my knee.

After the drain was out, I was able to move about...aka use the bathroom on my own!

When in Korea!